As I mentioned, I had a headache that would not go away on Monday, but Tuesday was much better, so I got myself all caught up. Here’s what you missed Monday and Tuesday!
Bro Mitzvah, Ralph Macchio, Atlantic City. That’s pretty much all you need to know.
Just kidding: Barney doubts that the guys can plan him an awesome bachelor party because his regular nights are legendary and they have to make his bachelor party the ultimate legendary night.
With that, Robin decides to plan it with Ted and Marshall to give Barney the ultimate WORST night of his life, while at the same time giving him everything on his “Brorah” (playing on the Torah with the Jewish Bro Mitzvah theme) list of awesome things to do.
We get: an appearance from Quinn (Beckie Garvey–coming up in The Goodwin Games on Fox), an encore of the crazy Chinese gambling game in Atlantic City, an appearance by Ralph Macchio, who according to Barney isn’t the true Karate Kid, and a broken engagement.
However, it all works out in the end, and it was all planned by a girl. Robin really is awesome. Barney is one lucky mofo. And he gets to meet “the REAL karate kid” William Zabka, who was the night’s entertainment, a balloon clown who wouldn’t speak until the very end when he revealed his identity–win.
WHAT A CLIFFHANGER! Holy shit! I couldn’t believe they ended the season that way! People are going to lose their shit waiting until September (or God forbid, January!) for season 2!
I couldn’t believe it. The entire show was pretty standard as far as finales go–Debra dies just before Ryan and Mike are able to arrive and rescue her from being buried alive.
Joe and Claire have their last conversation in the lighthouse (lighthouse, not boat), waiting for Ryan to try to save her, but Ryan does get there, and he manages to get Joe riled enough to lose his senses for a minute. Ryan attacks, hands bound and all, and as Joe takes off, Ryan unties Claire and picks up a gun to go after Joe. Joe meets his fiery end in a house just near the lighthouse, complete with explosion and dental records.
Emma escapes, with a new wig and glasses and runs off in tears when she learns of Joe’s death.
Ryan takes Claire back to his place and they reunite romantically (briefly). He orders takeout and forgets to lock the damn door behind him–allowing his neighbor, one of Joe’s followers, to sneak in and attack him. She stabs him in the stomach, reminding us that Ryan was “always her chapter” and as Claire rushes out to help Ryan, she gets stabbed in the back.
Like I said–pretty gnarly cliffhanger! Maybe some of you predicted that because you remembered the neighbor, but I had completely forgotten about her. I did notice that Ryan didn’t lock the door after he accepted the food, and I realized then that his crazy follower neighbor would be the one to sneak in and grab the knife he left so carelessly on the kitchen table. Still, until that moment, I hadn’t seen it coming.
Cannot wait until season two. Ryan has to live, but Claire–hard to say…
Surprisingly, after Norma recounts what seems to be the whole story about Shelby, the Chinese sex slave, and Keith, the sheriff decides to rewrite it so he comes out the hero. Dylan is miffed because it means he loses his glory on saving the day, but Norma and Norman are relieved that this whole mess is finally over with.
At least Norma tries to make it up to Dylan and mend some fences–show her appreciation even if the rest of the world doesn’t know what he did. But, he still plans on moving out, and I don’t blame him.
However, when Norma goes into town to try and generate a little cross-promotion between the local restaurants and businesses and her motel, the restaurant owner explains that it’s a small town, people talk, and Norma’s persona non grata now after what happened with Deputy Shelby and Keith.
And, we get a visitor, guest appearance, or new regular, Jere Burns (aka Wynn Duffy from Justified!) playing an odd new guest at the motel. Apparently he was a regular during the previous ownership’s reign, and while Dylan immediately thinks he’s a bit off, Norma’s happy to have the business even if he is a little strange.
With Shelby gone, we need a new villain, and it’s pretty clear this guy is going to fill those shoes. After seeing him on Justified, I have no doubt about his ability to pull off villainy.
Emma talks to Norma about Norman, and spills the beans on his little rendezvous with Bradley. Norma confronts Norman about it, saying the girl’s basically up to no good, but Norman won’t have it. He goes to talk to Bradley himself, and realizes that his mother was right: Apparently, Bradley isn’t a very nice girl.
And here, we get the first inkling of Norman’s fascinating with taxidermy. Norman sort of gets a dog, which he calls Juno, a stray who was underneath the porch, very vicious at first, but with a little food as incentive, she comes around pretty quickly.
However, coming from Bradley’s, he calls her, from across the street–admittedly not a smart move–and she gets hit by a car. Norman is distraught. It’s the only thing close to a pet he’s ever had, and he got her killed. He scoops her up and demands to go to Emma’s father, who’s a taxidermist, saying “he can fix dead things”. Norma doesn’t understand, but after seeing how upset her son is, she agrees to drive him.
I was afraid Norman was going to lose it after talking to Bradley, but he’s not quite the pervy, necromancing, absent-minded killer he becomes as an adult. He hasn’t fully progressed to such a state of delusion.
The gang all tell each other about their first time, making it into a contest, as usual, of whose story is the worst. I think Schmidt wins this round.
Cece loses because her first time was awesome–lost it to Mick Jagger. Winston loses also because even though his first time was with a hooker, he didn’t know she was a hooker and it didn’t make it a bad time until fifteen years later when he found out. (BONUS: we get a brief guest appearance by Dennis Farina as Nick’s dad in the flashback! He’s the one who the boys the hookers. Natch.)
Jess’s story was a very close runner up, screwing in a play castle, getting stuck, not being able to get it up, and a homeless guy was dead not twenty feet away the entire time, and the firemen had to use the axe to get them out of the castle, but in actuality, since she lost it to the fireman in the end, hers is actually pretty close to being as awesome as Cece’s.
Then, Nick does something we may not have expected–he grabs Jess out of the elevator, on her way to see the fireman who popped her cherry, and they do it for the first time.
Afterwards, they lie there, breathing heavily, and then start laughing. Jess does an adorable iconically Jess Scooby Doo “ruh-roh” just as the credits roll.
Since I believe next week is the season finale–we’ll have to wait until then to find out what the repercussions are from this little “no thinking” experiment.
It’s a relatively busy week ahead, even though it’s almost half over already! The premiere of The Family Tools airs Wednesday, and then EVERYONE is back that night. New How to Live with Your Parents, Nashville, and Chicago Fire, plus the season finale of The Americans. Thursday, Grey’s, Hannibal, Elementary, and Men at Work are all new.
Friday, it may be the season/series finale for Happy Endings. I was under the impression it had been cancelled and these last episodes only aired because they’d already been shot, but it looks like ABC may be trying to revive it by airing them later in the spring (to meet up during sweeps). Smash is new Saturday as well. I’ll recap Five-0 later this week or this weekend.
And, don’t forget, Iron Man 3 comes out this Friday!
I saw this Tuesday waiting for The Daily Show to come on, and I thought it was pretty hilarious. Down the rabbit hole we go. Knock, knock, Neo. Agent Smith is back!
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